...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
