Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
