I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
pray to the hookup gods
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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