I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
