There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
