Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
