Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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