Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Sorry my hands just texted you
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
