THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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