I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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