Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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