and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
