he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
