So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Boobs speak an international language.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
