I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
