THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
