Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You were trust falling into bushes
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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