She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
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apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
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Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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