I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
