don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Randomize
