Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
you didnt know i had herpes?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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