just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
