I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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