Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
