Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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