mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
