so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
