okay pat passed out under dana's car
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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