I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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