Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
