Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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