I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
This is my gift to your gina
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
