2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
