I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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