My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
