Having a random hookup so left but love u
My first STD was from a foam party
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
