A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
