I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
