Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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