he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
