I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
