..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
