Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
