So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
