Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize