the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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