had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
