Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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