As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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