If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Randomize
