it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
