I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
