How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
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