She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
