me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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