After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
