so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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