I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
