Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
