i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
