my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
