it hurts more in the daytime
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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