She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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